Life or Death?

...I think about what the nurse said. She's running the show. And suddenly I understand what Gramps was really asking Gran. He had listened to that nurse, too. He got it before I did.

If I stay. If I live. It's up to me.

Hoo-boy! This is an intense read. Reminds me a bit of Crutcher's Deadline and the wonderful Before I Die by Jenny Downham, but unlike the characters in those two books, who don't have a choice whether or not they die--they're both terminally ill--17-year-old Mia in If I Stay, does. She's got a ruptured spleen, broken ribs, a collapsed lung, and she's missing some skin thanks to a horrible car accident that landed her in a coma and killed her parents and younger brother. She has good reason for wanting to die.

To go down as a family. No one left behind.

Reminiscent of the main character Susie in Alice Sebold's The Lovely Bones, Mia narrates the story from some nebulous purgatorial middle world. She's in a suspended state--not dead, not sure if she wants to be alive--and walks around in the hospital, unseen, describing her treatment by doctors and nurses, and grandparents' and friends' (and boyfriend Adam's) reactions to her comatose condition.

What does death feel like? The nicest, warmest, heaviest, never-ending nap?

The narration moves seamlessly back and forth between Mia's real-time observations in the hospital, and the past, where we see Mia and Adam's relationship grow, Mia's burgeoning talent as a cellist (she had applied to Juilliard before accident, but hasn't heard anything back yet), and Mia's loving family. Her parents were hip and wacky, and totally supportive of Mia, even though Mia often felt like she didn't quite "fit in," didn't "belong" because she doesn't consider herself very cool. (She's cooler than she gives herself credit for. As Adam describes her, she's fragile and tough, quiet and kick-ass...one of the punkest girls [he] knows, with a sense of humor so dark you almost miss it. And can I just say for the record, this book has quite possibly the hottest, no-sex-involved make-out scene I've ever read).

But Mia's not sure a world without her parents and younger brother is one she belongs in, either.

Dying is easy. Living is hard.

I won't spoil the ending for you. Go get the book and read it. This is smart, compelling, warm writing--young adult literature at its best.